Berlin Cathedral

Why is the church nowadays so weak?  People suggest that it is due to lack of servants, money, people, programs, etc.  I personally believe that there are so very few groups that really study the Word of God.  I can no longer ask whether a body believers practice “bible study” because people will jump all over me and say that their churches have them.  When I mean “bible study”, I point to a group that is completely open to the bible to what it has to say without any cultural influence or self-imposed biases.  I know that this is impossible, but there are so many groups that don’t even see or manage this problem.  Whenever there is a teaching that is foreign or counter culture, such as predestination, woman’s roles, head covering, assurance versus certainty, groups all over will jump at the idea and stomp out these doctrines, not knowing that they are not foreign, but biblical. 

People stomp out these doctrines because they run “slightly” counter or foreign to the general teaching of the modern church.  What they are in fact doing is stomping out God’s Words.  What we cannot reconcile or explain doesn’t challenge our faith but deepen it.  If we can all figure out God and put Him in each of our neat pocket book, is that the God who has created this world that is so complex and seemingly paradoxical at times?  Is that the “God” I want to follow?  Isn’t the doctrine of repentance (knowing that we cannot do things on our own and that we cannot figure things out on our own) the very thing that brought us all to Christ in the first place?  So isn’t it paradoxical that having followed Him for a period of time that we now must have everything in the bible figured out or to make 100% sense lest we would not accept it? 

That is the very point that I cannot handle in our current church today.  Nobody is challenging; nobody is reading the bible as it is.  Nobody is asking the tough questions in fear of “stumping God” or in fear of people rejection (However, I ask, isn’t our very innate value worthy of rejection?  Or is it now so foreign that we all think that we are now worthy?).  Or should I venture that we are afraid of ruffling the “feathers of faith” and worried that it will confuse or make our faith “disorderly”?  Well in fact, faith we call our own is for the sick and sinners.  It never was meant to be so neat and orderly that we can no longer have seemingly contradictory or mutually exclusive ideas to stand simultaneously.  Isn’t it faith through which we accepted Him?  How can we explain the Trinity, where there are Three yet there is One?  Yet, what about the doctrine of the Sovereignty of God and the Responsibility of Man?  We all accept that He is sovereign, but does that mean we don’t do anything?  If everything were to make sense in our minds, my first question is whether we are worshipping the right God or have we created an idol?  Or have we made ourselves to be god?

Are we able to explain all the mysteries of the world and in the Bible?  Of course not!  Mutually exclusive ideas in the Bible are not to throw off our faith, but are there to make us realize that we are but dust.  For without Him, we have no value and can do nothing.  It is these very ideas that stretch my mind and allows our spirit to wander and get a very small but real glimpse of who I really am, and who He is.  It allows me to meditate and realize that I am so very very small, and what it means for Him to say “I am, who I am”. 

I am not claiming that everything needs to stand in illogical premise, but I am saying is that logic and intellect only goes so far.  There are still gaps of knowledge that requires our faith.  And faith, according to Hebrews, is our first and very ingredient that brought us to Him and how we can please Him.

walking...

The Saint who Fears the Sick Joke

O’ great God, be small enough to hear me now.

Help me to understand and develop my mind for you.

Give me strength to follow.

Allow me to live life as unto you.

With a sweeping motion, the saint wipes the haze off his bathroom mirror.  The bathroom, being filled by the hot shower steam, is barely visible to the saint as he navigates towards the sink.  Shortly after the wipe, the steam reappears and gathers to blot out the once clear mirror.  He wipes the mirror down again only to reveal his face for a short period of time.  The saint leans forward hoping to focus in to his own eyes…

He is afraid.  He has tasted the effects of death.  His loved ones are dying.  He asks his Lover to reveal to him why death has to be.  His Lover reveals the importance of death in our temporal life because without it there is nothing to look forward to, and nothing to test our faith.  If faith is future commitment before seeing, then death is the ultimate test of our assurance of faith in our Great God.

As the saint ponders about his life, he realizes that all relationships are based on trust.  He gains the trust of others as others gain his trust; temporal relationships are built and sustained by first receiving information that shows the trustworthiness of the other party, and second, giving trust – it is through data gathering and mutual trust between two parties.  However, the relationship between him and his Lover is not founded on this principle.  It is the opposite kind.  The Lover wants trust before knowing or fully understanding.  The Lover requires his utmost commitment and full trust – He expects the saint to die.  It is death that will bring this saint to fully understanding the great paradoxes of his faith – die before you can live; sovereignty of God and the responsibility of man; empty yet full; desire the temporal yet forsake all for the eternal.

The saint knows that he doesn’t have certainty in his salvation.  He knows that death is the moment of truth.  The moment at which everything is revealed; the moment where the saint will know for certain whether his faith was genuine, whether his Lover does indeed exist, and whether the Fiery Furnace will produce silver and gold or straw and hay.  The saint fears.  His heart skips and he gasps for air hoping that the thick steam that surrounds the bathroom will somehow re-float his heart.  The saint is terrified to imagine the possibility that what he has put his life to accomplish could possibly be in vain and produce nothing at the end.  If the Lover is false, then the saint would have existed for nothing.  All the self-sacrifice would be meaningless and completely off-base.  It would be a sick joke!

But where can the saint go?  To where can he go?  From whom will he find refuge and eternal hope?  The saint knows that he has no where to go, and realizes that the cost of forsaking his Lover is too high for him to bear.  He has no choice but to strive forward.  All the saint can do is to obey because his Lover has explicitly told him that if he follows and obeys His commandments, the saint will be assured of his eternal hope of salvation.  If the saint listens to his Lover, he still will not have certainty, but he will have assurance.

The saint relates to his Lover in two dimensions.  First, he is motivated by the love he has freely received from Calvary.  It is during times of aligned agreement with his Lord that this predestined love will carry this saint freely to the Cross.  It motivates him and it surrounds him with assurance that he is indeed predestined and elected.  However, during times of disagreement, the saint needs to rely on fear with terrorizing phobia towards his Lover.  It is not respect as some have suggested; it is fear.  Respect is on the terms of the saint, whereas, fear is on the terms of the Judge.

The fear comes from not wanting to displease his Lover.  It comes from fear of judgment and consequences.  It is the fear of losing his rewards in heaven, and ultimately, the fear of losing the very thing he has given his life for – salvation of his soul from eternal damnation.  For it is told that those who do not keep His commandments do not know Him; willful disobedience is most distasteful as being willful is being presumptuous.  It is only during these times of contemplation of disobedience does the saint need to fear the Lord.  Phobia also comes from the saint’s realization of his innate capacity and ability to commit the utmost barbarianism in his mind, heart, and soul.  It is this depravity that strikes phobia into the saint’s heart, making him cusp his chest in pain and disgust.  This very fear will prevent the saint from running away.  It draws him closer.

Lover of my soul. 

I praise thee for me have thee saved and taken;

Me have thee predestined in eternity past to hear thy Call;

Strengthen my ability and resolve,

to refine mine mind and thinking;

I understand that ‘so a man thinks, so is he’.

Give me ability to walk and forsake the need for certainty,

and desire thy assurance from obedience.

With assurance, can I please thee. 

But with certainty, can I not.

Hope and Fear and Love are the sides of the same triangle;

Grant me wisdom to draw them unto my heart, mind, and soul.

Protect me from the innate ability and capacity to fist thee;

Help mine mind to commit not presumptuousness,

Nor the contemplation of disobedience.

The Valley of Vision

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.  Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.  Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, They glory in my valley.

Arthur Bennett

The Mirror Spoke

It has been awhile since the saint has sat down and thought about life.  He confesses to his Father about this purposeful neglect.  He doesn’t understand why he does such behavior as it is part foreign and natural.  Natural, in a sense, that the saint in his full humanity is prone to walk and ignore his Father’s call; foreign, in a sense, that he has experienced his Father’s grace and love and has vowed not to neglect or walk away from it.  He is conflicted from within.

The saint feels ashamed of himself.  He looked himself in the mirror and discovered how sinful and self-absorbed he is.  The mirror spoke of all the parts of the saint’s life that has slowly drifted away from the right focus.  The saint regrets and feels tremendously ashamed and disgusted at himself as the mirror revealed his sins.  But what can the saint do??  Isn’t he prone to wander?  It is no surprise that his sins will continuously conquer his actions and thoughts.  But yet, what can the saint do?  Isn’t he also accountable for his thoughts and actions?!

“Why am I doing what I am doing?”, the saint questions himself.  The saint realizes that all his thoughts and actions are the very ones that he told himself that he would not commit.  Yet, he has once again failed himself and his Father.  Why do you want to find a partner?  Why do you want to work?  Why do you want go back?  Each of these questions point back to self-advancement.  It is not for starting a ministry, or for sharing the good news to people in his field.  The motives are mixed and impure.  They are used to justify the decisions and thoughts of the saint rather than having them guide and dictate his thoughts and actions.  Yet, the saint starts to think about the meaning of selfishness versus being self-interested.  Don’t we all have our hope in something that we can gain and not something that we will lose??  This is biblical.

The line of “right and wrong” comes when the object of his motivation and hope is anything but his Father’s.  Being self-interested is perfectly fine given that the object is commanded or encouraged by his Father.  Furthermore, the very nature of the object of hope is often infinite and finite.  Many times, Father tells the saint to invest and put his hope in things that are infinite (eternal) and unseen, whereas, things that are finite (temporal) and seen are prone to lead him astray.  Thus, the saint realizes that many of his hopes are misplaced in things that are temporal and seen.  Things that satisfies the flesh and temporal fleshly desires…

Father, I confess to you my struggles and humanity.  I come not looking for excuses, but seeking mercy for you to cleanse me as you have promised.  Forgive me for I have wronged you.  Forgive me for I am ashamed of my very perspective in my being and how I should conduct my very life and walk.  Forgive me for I have bathed and celebrated my error with gladness and wine.  I have completely mis-represented your love and Word and have taken things into my own hands…

walking…

Is My Conversion Right or Wrong: Views on Attraction

As the saint continues to walk with His Shepherd, he discovers many things about his conversion that shocks him.  The saint is taught in church that the very start of his relationship with God is at the point of conversion.  Although theologically, the saint has come to understand that he was predestined and appointed by God from the very beginning of time, but his linear intellect can only apprehend this linear start and finish style of thinking.  Nevertheless, he is shocked to realize that many of the things that His Lover used to purify his lifestyle and found the very cornerstones of this relationship were in fact in the wrong.

The saint reasons in his linear mind wondering how could something that has since grounded his intellect and protected him from his very being be so prone to error and ill-placed motives?  How could the Father give this seed to be the founding cornerstone of their relationship and now reveal that the seeds on which the saint has laid the patterns of his life be so wrong and represented such wrong motives?  Shouldn’t God reveal this to the saint at the beginning so he could correct this motive?  The saint can only conjure up the explanation that his Father revel things to His sheep in due time, dispensing His knowledge according to what the sheep can handle...